“The Meeting Place”: #FridayFictioneers #FlashFiction #100words”

Many of the stories I write are about the coming together of different cultures, and are created by the question, “What if.” I believe the interaction between two individuals is often different from the interaction between clashing cultures.

This week, in the photo prompt by Madison Woods, I saw a private bathing spot. Only in my story, it was not so private. So, what if the young Cochise had come upon a Mexican girl, bathing alone in a river?

Click here for more stories prompted by this beautiful photo.

The Meeting Place

Sunrise. Elena’s favorite time—the only time—she could bathe alone in the purple shadows of the Dragoons. She stared at her reflection and smiled at the way her body changed with every rise of the sun.

A twig snapped.

She plunged beneath the river’s surface to hide her nakedness.

The Indian watched her like a cougar. Stalking.

Her heart beat so hard it sent ripples through the water. Yet, it was not fear that surged through her.

No place to run. No place to hide. “I am Elena,” she said at last.

His eyes bore deeper. “I am Cochise. And you should not be here alone.”

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57 Responses to “The Meeting Place”: #FridayFictioneers #FlashFiction #100words”

  1. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Jan,

    Cochise sounds like a considerate soul and Elena the type that might deign to reward him for same.

    Nice story inspired by an idyllic prompt.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  2. This line is fantastic “Her heart beat so hard it sent ripples through the water. “

    • janmorrill says:

      Thank you, Craig. I wasn’t sure if that line was a little over the top, but I know my heart has beat so hard it could come close to making ripples. 🙂

  3. Sandra says:

    You write so graphically! I really liked this; you made both characters sound eminently likeable and there’s such a tension between them (whatever its nature 🙂 ) Really good flash.

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/reaching-a-conclusion-friday-fictioneers-april-2012/

  4. Haha, I loved this. It had a touch of the erotic to it, which was fascinating. Very good!

    Here’s mine:

    http://sarahthestoryteller.wordpress.com

  5. Oh, I like!! I want to see where this is going! 🙂

    • janmorrill says:

      It’s different for me, isn’t it, Claire? 🙂 I may not be getting much new writing done, but at least I was able to complete 100 words this week.

  6. Ripping good romance story! Mine’s: http://furiousfictions.com

  7. Gary says:

    At first, I wondered what Cochise’s motives might be, but after another read it feels like he has more gentlemanly motives. As Sarah said earlier, it does have a touch of the erotic about it.

    Mine is this-a-way:
    http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/fridayfictioneers-catfishing/

    • janmorrill says:

      Gary, I intended Cochise to be more honorable and gentlemanly toward Elena, at least outwardly. If I continue this story, as I’d like to do, I’m sure desire will challenge his honor, and we’ll just have to see where that leads. 🙂

      Thanks for following my blog, too!

  8. John Hardy Bell says:

    Wonderful period piece with a nice touch of romance – or something else… I can only imagine the possibilities!

    Here is mine: http://jhardyb.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/100-word-friday-fictioneers-11/

    • janmorrill says:

      Thank you, John. I’ve been trying out this romance genre — not easy for me! But, this photo definitely inspired me. I just hope Elena and Cochise don’t run into whatever it was your characters saw in that water! 🙂

  9. Beth Carter says:

    Great piece. I, too, was going to write about skinny dipping and being caught. Might have to rethink that now. Still contemplating.

    Loved that it was not fear that caused the surge! Wink, wink.

  10. SWEET, Sweet, sweet! My eye quickly landed on the word “Cochise”–I was hooked from there. 🙂 Great, believable story–I loved it! Well done.

    Mine: wwwvlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

    • janmorrill says:

      Thank you, Virginia. I take that as quite a compliment from you. This is my first try at a Western, and my first public try at romance, though I’m not sure if in the end, my idea would fit into a romance genre.

  11. miq says:

    I loved this story. It felt like a snapshot into a much larger tale, and that larger tale is one I would really like to read.

    Mine is here: http://threedescriptors.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/flash-fiction-20-cold-night/

  12. Oh, I like this one. I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship, one might say. I, too, would like to read further. This is a great teaser (and well written)…

    ~Susan (here’s mine: http://www.susanwenzel.com/)

    • janmorrill says:

      Thanks, Susan. Many have seen this as a romance, but honestly, I’m not sure if I expand the story if I’ll do it as a romance or a friendship. I think it will actually be a romance on her part, but a friendship on his part, with lots of sexual tension on both of their parts. 🙂

  13. Beautiful, Jan. I want ‘the rest of the story.’

    • janmorrill says:

      Thank you, Pam. You’re going to inspire me to write yet. 🙂 At least I got 100 new words written this week! Thank goodness for Madison’s photo prompts!

  14. erinleary says:

    Hi Jan,
    Thanks for your comments on my post. I also would like to know the rest of the story! It is a great way to start out, luring the reader to “look below the surface” as it were….

    Erin Leary

  15. Ooh, I like it a lot. I don’t know whether it’s the beginning of a romance either, but she is very feminine and he very masculine, I can understand why people would make that leap. Wonderful!

  16. tedstrutz says:

    Nicely put together… I loved the ending. And the line… Her heart beat so hard it sent ripples through the water. was so descriptive!
    http://tedstrutz.com/2012/04/04/844/

  17. I felt this. What I especially liked was the shift in Elena’s (great name, by the way) attitude and in Cochise’s for that matter– all in 100 words.

  18. Oh snap! You let go on that one. I’m proud of you.

  19. Janet says:

    I’m glad you will turn this into something bigger – it’s seems these characters have a story to tell. I agree also with Sarah above, it does have an erotoc feel to it.

  20. Interesting premise, Jan. I like that Elena is shy or modest enough to hide beneath the water, but still bold enough to introduce herself. Nicely done. 🙂

  21. You’ve set a thorough scene very nicely in so few words, the girl seeking time alone, but the potential danger, potential romance. so many turns this story could take if you expand it. I really liked it.

    • janmorrill says:

      Thank you, Stacy. Of all the other flash fiction I’ve written, this one calls out to be expanded. I’d better get started before my characters quit calling to me. 🙂

  22. Lora Mitchell says:

    How romantic.. How innocent. How erotic. How dangerous. How delicious. What possibilities. Nice work. This needs to be expanded into a fuller story. Thank you for visiting my blog and commenting on my story.

  23. A masterly delivery on a good note…happy ending are beautiful but not so many have clean head enough to muster such…Well done!!

    https://seewilliams.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/f-is-for-flash-fiction/

  24. susielindau says:

    Nice Flash Jan!
    I liked that she wasn’t afraid. It is up to the reader to decide how she had that conversation while naked….

  25. Russell says:

    I can’t wait to hear more from these characters. Being from different cultures opens a world of opportunities for conflicts, acceptance/rejection, and of course–more romance.

    Glad you enjoyed mine. http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

  26. This is really good 🙂 Such a vivid story which felt very iconic. It’s almost as if everything turns on this one moment. Creating something like that is seriously not easy. At all. So, very well done. The two characters would definitely leand to an expanded story. And the heartbeat-ripples were inspired. You could take this anywhere you wanted 🙂

    Here’s my story this week:
    http://andyfloodwritersblog.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/the-lasting-kind/

  27. Madison Woods says:

    I like that! And so much more that can be written from it. It could even make the opening to your next novel 😉

  28. Michael Fishman says:

    I really liked the imagery in this story. Cochise watching her like a cougar (hungry? curious? cautious?) and Elena, so innocent as to be entertained by her body’s image in the water, so vulnerable with “No place to run. No place to hide.” and so bold as to offer her name rather than to recoil in fear.

    Here’s mine:
    http://michaelsfishbowl.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/thoughts-going-down/

  29. Pingback: Flash Fiction Friday – Editing | Day in the life of a Busy Gal…

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