Many of the stories I write are about the coming together of different cultures, and are created by the question, “What if.” I believe the interaction between two individuals is often different from the interaction between clashing cultures.
This week, in the photo prompt by Madison Woods, I saw a private bathing spot. Only in my story, it was not so private. So, what if the young Cochise had come upon a Mexican girl, bathing alone in a river?
Click here for more stories prompted by this beautiful photo.
The Meeting Place
Sunrise. Elena’s favorite time—the only time—she could bathe alone in the purple shadows of the Dragoons. She stared at her reflection and smiled at the way her body changed with every rise of the sun.
A twig snapped.
She plunged beneath the river’s surface to hide her nakedness.
The Indian watched her like a cougar. Stalking.
Her heart beat so hard it sent ripples through the water. Yet, it was not fear that surged through her.
No place to run. No place to hide. “I am Elena,” she said at last.
His eyes bore deeper. “I am Cochise. And you should not be here alone.”
Jan Morrill Writes 
Dear Jan,
Cochise sounds like a considerate soul and Elena the type that might deign to reward him for same.
Nice story inspired by an idyllic prompt.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thank you, Doug. I had a vivid flash of these two characters at the edge of this river. I think I’ll expand the story.
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This line is fantastic “Her heart beat so hard it sent ripples through the water. “
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Thank you, Craig. I wasn’t sure if that line was a little over the top, but I know my heart has beat so hard it could come close to making ripples. 🙂
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You write so graphically! I really liked this; you made both characters sound eminently likeable and there’s such a tension between them (whatever its nature 🙂 ) Really good flash.
http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/reaching-a-conclusion-friday-fictioneers-april-2012/
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Thanks, Sandra. I’m going to write a short story for these two characters. I think they have many secrets to tell me. 🙂
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Haha, I loved this. It had a touch of the erotic to it, which was fascinating. Very good!
Here’s mine:
http://sarahthestoryteller.wordpress.com
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Hi Sarah! How’ve you been? Glad you liked the “touch of erotic.” I’m going to play around with the story some more and see where it leads me.
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Oh, I like!! I want to see where this is going! 🙂
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It’s different for me, isn’t it, Claire? 🙂 I may not be getting much new writing done, but at least I was able to complete 100 words this week.
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Ripping good romance story! Mine’s: http://furiousfictions.com
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Thanks, Joe. I’m making my way through Madison’s list, and enjoyed reading yours, too!
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At first, I wondered what Cochise’s motives might be, but after another read it feels like he has more gentlemanly motives. As Sarah said earlier, it does have a touch of the erotic about it.
Mine is this-a-way:
http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/fridayfictioneers-catfishing/
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Gary, I intended Cochise to be more honorable and gentlemanly toward Elena, at least outwardly. If I continue this story, as I’d like to do, I’m sure desire will challenge his honor, and we’ll just have to see where that leads. 🙂
Thanks for following my blog, too!
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Wonderful period piece with a nice touch of romance – or something else… I can only imagine the possibilities!
Here is mine: http://jhardyb.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/100-word-friday-fictioneers-11/
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Thank you, John. I’ve been trying out this romance genre — not easy for me! But, this photo definitely inspired me. I just hope Elena and Cochise don’t run into whatever it was your characters saw in that water! 🙂
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Great piece. I, too, was going to write about skinny dipping and being caught. Might have to rethink that now. Still contemplating.
Loved that it was not fear that caused the surge! Wink, wink.
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Are you kidding, Beth? I have to wonder about our similarities sometimes. 🙂 Looking forward to seeing what you come up with!
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SWEET, Sweet, sweet! My eye quickly landed on the word “Cochise”–I was hooked from there. 🙂 Great, believable story–I loved it! Well done.
Mine: wwwvlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html
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Thank you, Virginia. I take that as quite a compliment from you. This is my first try at a Western, and my first public try at romance, though I’m not sure if in the end, my idea would fit into a romance genre.
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I loved this story. It felt like a snapshot into a much larger tale, and that larger tale is one I would really like to read.
Mine is here: http://threedescriptors.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/flash-fiction-20-cold-night/
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Thank you, Miq. I plan to expand the story. That’s what I like about Madison’s photo prompts. They often stimulate ideas for short stories.
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Oh, I like this one. I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship, one might say. I, too, would like to read further. This is a great teaser (and well written)…
~Susan (here’s mine: http://www.susanwenzel.com/)
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Thanks, Susan. Many have seen this as a romance, but honestly, I’m not sure if I expand the story if I’ll do it as a romance or a friendship. I think it will actually be a romance on her part, but a friendship on his part, with lots of sexual tension on both of their parts. 🙂
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I agree. I’m not a fan of romances…but the friend idea would work well. Plus, they probably aren’t supposed to be friends – depending on when this was supposed to have happened.
~Susan
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Beautiful, Jan. I want ‘the rest of the story.’
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Thank you, Pam. You’re going to inspire me to write yet. 🙂 At least I got 100 new words written this week! Thank goodness for Madison’s photo prompts!
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Hi Jan,
Thanks for your comments on my post. I also would like to know the rest of the story! It is a great way to start out, luring the reader to “look below the surface” as it were….
Erin Leary
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Thanks, Erin. These characters are “talking” to me, if I could just sit down and write!
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Take a seat. 🙂
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Ooh, I like it a lot. I don’t know whether it’s the beginning of a romance either, but she is very feminine and he very masculine, I can understand why people would make that leap. Wonderful!
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http://www.wakefieldmahon.com/1/post/2012/04/down-by-the-river-friday-fictioneers1.html for any JanFans that are wondering.
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Hey, I like that — JanFans. Now I have a name for my fan club, should I ever get one. 🙂 Thanks, Wakefield!
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Nicely put together… I loved the ending. And the line… Her heart beat so hard it sent ripples through the water. was so descriptive!
http://tedstrutz.com/2012/04/04/844/
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Thanks, Ted. I kind of liked the ending, too. Cochise though, conflicted with desire, was her protector — at least for now. 🙂
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I felt this. What I especially liked was the shift in Elena’s (great name, by the way) attitude and in Cochise’s for that matter– all in 100 words.
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Thank you! I’m glad you noticed the name, Elena. I spent a lot of time trying to pick just the right name!
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Oh snap! You let go on that one. I’m proud of you.
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Yay! You noticed, Ruth! And, it was kinda fun, too. Wondering what else is hiding around in there? 🙂
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I’m glad you will turn this into something bigger – it’s seems these characters have a story to tell. I agree also with Sarah above, it does have an erotoc feel to it.
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Thanks, Janet. I’m excited to see where this one goes, because as you might be able to tell, it’s a little different for me.
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Interesting premise, Jan. I like that Elena is shy or modest enough to hide beneath the water, but still bold enough to introduce herself. Nicely done. 🙂
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A character arc in less than 100 words! Thanks, Cara!
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You’ve set a thorough scene very nicely in so few words, the girl seeking time alone, but the potential danger, potential romance. so many turns this story could take if you expand it. I really liked it.
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Thank you, Stacy. Of all the other flash fiction I’ve written, this one calls out to be expanded. I’d better get started before my characters quit calling to me. 🙂
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How romantic.. How innocent. How erotic. How dangerous. How delicious. What possibilities. Nice work. This needs to be expanded into a fuller story. Thank you for visiting my blog and commenting on my story.
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Thank you, Lora. And I enjoyed your story, too. Wow, dangerous and delicious. Love your compliment. I really DO need to continue this one. 🙂
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A masterly delivery on a good note…happy ending are beautiful but not so many have clean head enough to muster such…Well done!!
https://seewilliams.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/f-is-for-flash-fiction/
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Thank you, Charles.I think the ending of this flash fiction may be only the beginning. 🙂
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Nice Flash Jan!
I liked that she wasn’t afraid. It is up to the reader to decide how she had that conversation while naked….
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I can’t wait to hear more from these characters. Being from different cultures opens a world of opportunities for conflicts, acceptance/rejection, and of course–more romance.
Glad you enjoyed mine. http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/
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Thanks, Russell. As you know, I find great appeal in the meeting of two cultures. So much to explore, so much forbidden.
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This is really good 🙂 Such a vivid story which felt very iconic. It’s almost as if everything turns on this one moment. Creating something like that is seriously not easy. At all. So, very well done. The two characters would definitely leand to an expanded story. And the heartbeat-ripples were inspired. You could take this anywhere you wanted 🙂
Here’s my story this week:
http://andyfloodwritersblog.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/the-lasting-kind/
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I think you’re right, Andy. Everything turns on this one moment. It does motivate me to take it further. Thank you!
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I like that! And so much more that can be written from it. It could even make the opening to your next novel 😉
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I really liked the imagery in this story. Cochise watching her like a cougar (hungry? curious? cautious?) and Elena, so innocent as to be entertained by her body’s image in the water, so vulnerable with “No place to run. No place to hide.” and so bold as to offer her name rather than to recoil in fear.
Here’s mine:
http://michaelsfishbowl.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/thoughts-going-down/
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