A Long Way to Go

I had a conversation with a dear friend recently, and learned (with surprise) that she believes “whites should marry whites and blacks should marry blacks.”

Being the child of a mixed race couple, I asked, “Does that also mean you don’t think a white man should have married an Asian woman either?”

I could tell this question made her uncomfortable, and she couldn’t (or wouldn’t) answer it. Perhaps, because of our friendship, she couldn’t be that truthful with me. “Well, that’s a good question,” she said. “I don’t really know.”

I asked my next question. “And, if you think there is a difference–that it’s okay for a white man to marry an Asian woman, but that a white man shouldn’t marry a black woman–then what I understand you to be saying is, it all boils down to the color of one’s skin.”

This conversation was a blow to me, because I see no difference, regardless of the color of one’s skin. I’d hoped that my question about my Japanese mother’s and white father’s marriage would make her think about what she was saying. But it did nothing of the sort. In fact, even with time to think about our conversation more, she posted the following on Facebook this evening:

“…we don’t need mixed-raced couples either. Whites still marry whites and black still marry blacks!”

I am the child of a mixed-race couple. I’m proud of my mother’s heritage. I’m proud of my father’s heritage. I’m hurt that such a dear friend doesn’t seem to understand this—certainly doesn’t care about it.

I’ve always believed we’ve come so far, and I’ll admit I haven’t always understood those who complain that we haven’t.

Now, I understand how far we have to go.

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4 Responses to A Long Way to Go

  1. Ouch! I would have asked her why.


  2. I’m sorry people are still clueless. I know it hurts – especially when it’s a friend. Love you, lady.


  3. Denton D. Gay says:

    There are some people who simply are unable to understand the reality we are all one human family. These people would argue that they have no ancestors of a different skin color. Many of these same people believe the Biblical version of history, which indicates we are all descended from the first man, Adam, and the first woman, Eve. The Garden of Eden certainly would not have been inhabited by white folks at the time the Biblical version takes place. Even so, these people would argue otherwise. Even with scientific evidence, such as archaeology and DNA, these people would still not be convinced. Cultural norms are difficult for many to overcome. In the movie, Bulworth, Senator Bulworth had a satiric solution. “Everybody just keep f****ing everybody until we’re all the same color.” Jan, you have an open mind and it’s too bad more people don’t. You can copy and paste this for your friend to read, if you wish.


  4. truthsbyruth says:

    This is a huge misunderstanding. I take responsibility in that I must not have gotten my point across clearly. My point was I am tired of seeing black with whites and vice-versa on every TV show and commercial and that I am sure whites still marry whites and blacks still marry blacks. That’s it. period. I am not against mixed-raced marriages or relationships. I apologize for any hurt feelings or misunderstandings.
    Ruth Weeks


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