Controlling My Inner Momzilla

Andrea is getting married in six days. Any Mom who’s helped her daughter plan a wedding will understand the diversity of feelings that have skipped and tripped through my heart over the last few days as we worked together on a multitude of wedding details.

First, of course, is, “My little girl is getting married!”

But when Andi unpacked the 200 pieces of blue agate that would eventually become 200 hand-painted nameplates for the reception, I must admit, I felt the first rumblings of Momzilla, as my internal voice uttered:

Really? Wouldn’t it have been easier to have name cards custom-printed?

It brought back memories I had about the holidays when my mother was still living. Though I don’t relish making this post a “true confession,” I must admit there were many Christmases and Thanksgivings when I complained about her desire to use her finest China, crystal and sterling silver–about her ornate decorations which required all of our participation to display. For years, my inner voice whined,

Can’t we just relax and use every day dishes?

Okay, another confession. Sometimes I even wanted to use paper plates.

Then, two thoughts entered my mind:

First, Andrea is so like my mom in the way she gives of herself to make everything beautiful and just right. This trait will show in so many details of Andrea’s and James’s wedding. In this way, my mom will be there in spirit. This thought brings me comfort, as I’ve regretted Andrea’s grandma won’t be here to see her walk down the aisle. Mom would have so loved to be a part of the planning.

Second, in the few times I’ve seen Andrea stressed about the details, I’ve tried to remind her to “let go” of her worries about everything being perfect. I truly believe in “wabi sabi”–the beauty in imperfection, whether it be in the imperfections of the wedding, or imperfections of the marriage.

It was then, I realized I needed to listen to my own advice. In the stress I felt about trying to get the nameplates done, or making my several lists of what needs to be done to make the wedding “just right” for Andrea and James, I, too, needed to let go of my worries.

And, I realized it was in one of the very things I worried most about–getting those 200 nameplates done and done right–that my mom was there with us. In that moment, my stress turned to gratitude.

Well, mostly. 🙂

So, to Andrea I say:

Grandma would be so proud.

And to Andrea and James:

May you always remember “wabi sabi” — finding beauty in your marriage, even when things may not be so perfect.