A few weeks ago, I began a series based on an article that was shared on Facebook titled, “10 Things That The People Who Love Their Lives Are Doing Differently,” by Paul Hudson, originally posted on elitedaily.com.
This article intrigued me because I do consider myself to be someone who loves my life. However, I found several items on this list that I’m not doing very well. So, I thought I’d take each “philosophy” listed and do a bit of “virtual” self-analyzing. I’ll post one item weekly.
After all, there’s always room to love my life a little more.
Here’s the second thing people who love their lives do differently:
They love their friends but don’t rely on them.
This one made me think, because I do love my friends. It’s hard for me to say I don’t rely on them. I think the important thing is that I know I CAN rely on them.
I have always had friends that I can rely on, and I cherish that. But, it’s only been in the last six or seven years that I have friends who accept me completely for who I am, all of the good and perhaps more important, all of the bad.
For too many years in my life, I’ve (consciously or unconsciously) not lived according to the very thing Philosophy #1 states about people who love their life:
They don’t bother trying to make others like them — mainly because they don’t care if they’re liked.
I can’t blame my desire to please–to not disappoint–on anything my past friends did. I made the choice to show them only the good/agreeable/cause-no-trouble side of me. The funny thing is, I don’t think I ever really realized what I was missing until I found friends who, by their courage to show their own flaws, encouraged me to show them every part of who I am.
Not to be overly melodramatic, but it was as if someone cast a magic spell on my life, because even if someone actually IS aghast at who I am–the good, the bad and the ugly–I know I have this circle of friends who will love me no matter what. And that’s exactly how I feel about them, too.
Jan Morrill Writes 
Right back at you, Jan. I do so love this ‘new’ you.
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Thanks, Pam. 🙂 Hugs!
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You are a very lucky lady. Miss Jan.
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I count my blessings every day, Kim. 🙂
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This thing about not wanting to show your bad side…. or to burden somebody with your “faults”… I feel that is one of the core elements of “being Japanese”… Meiwaku kakenai youni… Maybe it doesn’t pertain to you but I just found your topic interesting. 🙂
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I agree, Koji, that it has a lot to do with my “Japanese-ness,” as one friend calls it. The thing I’ve finally come to realize is, it’s all there inside me, whether I show it or not. And though yes, I try not to make trouble, eventually, the “real” me, good and maybe not so good–or maybe I should say agreeable or not so agreeable–is going to come out. It’s interesting, that this is one of the themes of my book, with Nobu. 🙂
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This series you mentioned sounds like one I’d like to read, Jan. As for being a people-pleaser and showing mainly the good sides of myself, well, I’m guilty of that although I’ve come a long way in not caring whether anyone likes those sides of me or not, I think. It’s my unwillingness to rock boats that keeps jabbing at me and persisting in making me step outside my comfort zones. Great blogging topic, this philosophical examination of “Loving Life”!
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Thanks, Madison. It’s interesting to me, that in trying not to “rock the boat” I was trying to keep the peace. But now that I’m learning to be authentic, I feel so much more at peace than I used to. 🙂
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Jan, I think your distinction about not having to rely on them but knowing you can is key. To have friends like that is so important and that’s also something that’s important in a marriage. Easy to say; difficult to do…as is so much worth having and doing.
janet
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I agree, Janet. It’s an extremely important quality in a marriage and easy to say, more difficult to do. As are so many things. 🙂
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Connie has accused me of being my own best friend, and I don’t deny it. I do enjoy the company of others, but I’m not going to NOT go do something because I have no one to go do it with.
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Being your own best friend? That’s excellent, Russell! 🙂
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I believe friendship is a two way street. I’d like to think it’s a balanced street too. I always try not to take more than I can give, but have been guilty in the past of giving more than was offered…
As for reliance. I think it’s okay to rely on someone, so long as it’s a mutual reliance 🙂 I don’t think it means we are unhappy because of it, though 🙂
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It’s a little simplistic to say we’re unhappy if we rely on our friends, I think. So, I agree with you, Alice!
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Yes. And let’s face it, everyone relies on someone else at some point in life. Doesn’t mean they are unhappy or happy, but that they admitted to needing another person. I personally see that as a good thing 🙂
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